


On the line

by mysonny (orphan_account)



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22203748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/mysonny
Summary: Emily tells some of her friends about getting traded. She can't tell Lindsey though.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	On the line

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the very first time I've written something that isn't a research paper for Uni. I wrote it mostly to deal with the news, but maybe it is enjoyable for other people as well?
> 
> I wrote this before any more news dropped, so Caitlin is staying in Orlando. Sorry, not sorry. 
> 
> Lastly: English isn't my first language, I'm very sorry for any mistakes I made!

**Atlanta, December 30 th, 2019.**

When Mark calls her between Christmas and New Year’s Eve she knows something is up. Emily listens to him talk about how much of an asset she was to the team, how much he doesn’t want to let her go, how much she’s grown in her time in Portland, how good of a teammate and person she is off the field. And about how much the team needs a change. And that change apparently comes with trading her. And Caitlin. To Orlando. For the first overall pick at the college draft.

She thinks about how ironic it is that she was that first overall pick once. That first overall pick brought her to Portland as well. “Sonnett? Are you still there?” Oh. Mark is still talking to her.

“Yes, sorry. I was just thinking. Thanks for calling me in advance. I’ve… I’ve got to go. See you, bye!”

“Wait, Sonnett,” he rushes out “Take care! I hope you have a good New Year’s!” Yeah, she’ll totally have a good party tomorrow after that conversation.

Her first impulse is to call Emma. Emma who listens to her rant, who lets her talk it out but who also calls her out on any bullshit. She doesn’t call her because she can’t have that voice of reason right now. She is sad and she wants to be sad. She thinks about the very first time Mark had called her to tell her that the Portland Thorns were going to pick her. Almost exactly on the day four years ago he had changed her life. Now he’s done that again, just in a different way. She thinks about her very first game, how nervous she was beforehand. Tobin had been the calming presence behind her in the tunnel that she needed. She had been there right behind her from day one and Emily still needed Tobin’s chill demeanor before some games. Not as often anymore but it was always good to know that she had her right there with her. She thinks about the Aussies and how they are the exact opposite of Tobin. Energetic and always so, so loud. When she starts to think of Lindsey and then tries to not think of her, her phone buzzes, this time with a text from Caitlin.

 **Cait** : Did Mark call you?

 **Son** : Yep.

Instead of texting back Caitlin calls her: “So. Orlando, huh?” Cait tries to sound upbeat, Emily can tell. “Yep. Didn’t see that coming, did he just call you as well?”

“Right after you. How do you feel about it? Florida is way closer to Georgia than Oregon, that should be nice!” Caitlin is still trying to make the most of it “And we’re going together. Alex will be there and Ashlyn and Ali, so you know some people. Oh, and can’t forget about Alanna and Emily! I will know some people, too.”

Emily can’t thank Caitlin enough for this moment. They really are in this together and Orlando wouldn’t be her first choice of a club but at least it’s not the Courage. She tells the Aussie as much and even lets herself chuckle a little. “I just can’t believe they traded us both for that stupid first overall pick!” she voices her main thought of the last hour or so. “Two players with not that much but some experience, who both went to the world cup! I feel cheap,” Emily takes a deep breath to not start to rant too much “Couldn’t they at least get someone else or another pick or whatever but not just that one stupid pick?!” “Son, you were that ‘stupid’ first overall pick once” Caitlin interrupts her, laughing.

“I know,” she sighs “I just don’t feel appreciated right now. They better get Fleming for this shitshow. It’s not like we’re both aging players who have peaked years ago and are a burden to the team. Oh my god, are we a burden to the team?? Am I a burden to the team? It’s that damn Utah game, isn’t it?” Emily starts to ramble “I know, I should have been calmer and not miss a game…”

“Sonnett, stop! Don’t spiral. I’m sure it wasn’t that game because I didn’t get a red in that game. And we saw the weekend after that our defense couldn’t work without you.” Emily starts to feel horrible, she’s only thinking about herself and not about how Caitlin feels.

“Cait, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t need to console me. How do you feel?” Caitlin is silent for a few seconds, while they both gather their thoughts.

“I’m not sure to be honest. I think they got either a horrible deal or have something up their sleeves because you’re so right about the worth of both of us weighed against that first pick. Doesn’t feel right, you know?” Emily finds herself getting worked up about her friend’s words all over again. “But I’m actually a little excited because let’s face it, I wasn’t getting the playing times I wanted. And seeing Alanna and Emily more will be good. Even though I won’t see Ellie and Raso anymore. Oh, I will miss them. And Linds and our times together as a group. And now I am the one rambling.”

Emily lets Caitlin’s words sink in. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Playing with Ali, Ash and Alex could be good for her own development. Their professionalism and technique is something she looks up to, she could learn a lot by playing with them all the time. Going against Alex in practice is always a challenge and having Ali next to her and Ash behind her will sure teach her some stuff.

“Sorry, Cait, I was thinking,” she realizes she’s been quiet for too long “maybe you’re right. I guess I could learn a lot of stuff from Ali and the others as well. It probably isn’t the worst thing in the world. But Portland’s been my home for the last four years, how am I going to not live there?” Her voice gets small “How am I supposed to not see L… everyone all the time?”

“Sonnett, you can say that you’ll miss Lindsey. I know you will. We’ve talked about this, be open about it, talk to me!”

“I will, okay? I just need to think first.” She doesn’t feel ready to talk about Lindsey yet. “I’ll talk to you when I’m ready. But like, are we supposed or allowed to tell people? Have you told anyone?” Emily starts to think about how to break the news to her family. They’ll be happy, Orlando is so much closer to home.

“After I got off the phone with Mark, I called you. No time to tell anyone.” Caitlin laughs “I don’t know what we are supposed to do. I’ll tell my family and I guess Alanna because I see her all the time. Mark said they have to negotiate some stuff but want to make it official by the 8th. So, it’ll be what? A bit more than a week from now?” Emily didn’t even think to ask Mark about all the timing. She was way in her head when they talked.

After they say goodbye and Emily promises Cait to talk to her about Lindsey soon. She takes a deep breath and takes it all in. Caitlin was right, on a professional level, the trade isn’t the worst thing that could happen to her. She doesn’t want to think about the personal level. Doesn’t want to think about Lindsey. Doesn’t want to think about what this means for their friendship. Or whatever it is that they’re having. When Lindsey broke up with Russell again after the World Cup they gravitated to each other, spending all their time together, countless coffee runs, lunch dates, movie nights. Coexisting in each other’s space, often touching, cuddling, holding hands. Always right _on_ the line between friendship and more.

But now Lindsey is in Hawaii with Russell. When she had told Emily about that trip, she didn’t know what to say. So she laughed instead. And then cried. But only after she got off facetime with her best friend. Her best friend who apparently really didn’t want to be anything more than that. She decides not to tell Lindsey about the trade for now. It already hurt enough.

She tells Emma later over dinner. As predicted, she lets her ramble and then tells her basically the same thing she and Caitlin already established: It might be good for her career and development. Emma hopes that Orlando appreciates her more and says that Portland let her go too easy. She also asks about Lindsey and her feelings for her best friend. What does it mean for them to not live around the corner from each other? Emily doesn’t want to even think about it. They drop the subject.

**Tampa, January 4 th, 2020.**

Emily gets into camp alone since Kelley isn’t coming from Atlanta because she lives with her girlfriend now. When she gets there, they tell her she is rooming with Mal who isn’t coming for the first few days because she had a family emergency. She’s honestly a bit relieved to have some time alone before the news get released. She loves rooming with Mal but relaxing alone seems like the way to go for her right now.

Allie and Kelley text her about some fancy coffee machine and tell her to come over to their room first thing in the morning.

**January 5 th, 2020.**

Emily goes over to Kelley’s and Allie’s a little earlier than she needs to, they still have plenty of time before breakfast and practice. She’s greeted by Allie’s phone and Kelley with her fancy machine. Emily lets herself get dragged into their stupidity for a minute or two, enjoys her drink and thinks she can get through the first couple of days before Wednesday without major interruptions. Just focus on soccer, sit tight, and wait.

“What is up with you?” Kelley has always been able to see right through her almost as good as Emma can. “Nothing. What do you mean? What is up with you?” Emily tries to deflect the question but can tell that she overdid it. Now Kelley looks very suspicious and Allie catches on as well: “Kelley is right. Something is up. You’re quiet and weird. More weird than usual, I mean. You also look very tired.”

“Geez, thanks. I didn’t sleep well. Now that you’ve insulted me and my looks, can we get downstairs and have breakfast?” she stands up from Kelley’s bed and starts to pack up her stuff.

“No.” all of the former playfulness is gone from Kelley’s voice “Something is bothering you and you shouldn’t keep it inside. Talk to us. Or me?” she looks at Allie apologetically. Allie just scoffs and rolls her eyes but makes no move to get up. Emily shifts uneasily from one foot to the other “You can stay, Al. Something happened, I don’t know how I feel. It’s half good and half bad?”

Kelley’s eyes widen “Did something happen with Lindsey finally?! Why would that be half bad?”

“Dude” Emily shoots Kelley a look and then looks at Allie “Could you maybe not tell everyone?”

“Sonnett, you’ve got to give me more credit. I know of you guys’ feelings for each other. Have known that for years now. Kelley didn’t just spill your biggest secret; the whole team knows basically.” Allie looks like she’s about to laugh but stops at the pained look on Emily’s face.

“I’m sorry. That obviously wasn’t the right thing to say.” She gets up and grabs Emily’s arm to guide her over to Kelley’s bed again. “If you really don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. You just look like you need to talk about something. I can leave if you’d rather talk to Kelley alone. I promise, I won’t be offended. Okay, maybe I will be a little, but just for today.”

Emily half-smiles at that. “You can stay” she tries to gather her thoughts. “First of all, I can’t believe you all know about my feelings for Lindsey! I thought I was at least a little subtle. Obviously Kelley would catch on because she knows me so well. And you maybe from your time at the Thorns still, but the others?” Emily catches herself ranting again. She seems to do that often these days. Maybe because she can’t grasp her thoughts. She deliberately chooses to ignore the implication that Lindsey has feelings for her as well. She can’t deal with that right now.

“I’mgettingtradedtoOrlandoandthenewsdroponWednesday.” Emily rushes out in a small voice, trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. At the sight of the lost looks on her friends’ faces she lets out a short laugh. More of bark really. She takes a deep breath and repeats her sentence: “I’m getting traded to Orlando and the news drop on Wednesday.”

“What?? You’re getting traded?” “What? How, why? Traded with who?” her friends talk over each other. Emily begins to tell them the few things she knows. She tells them about her initial feelings, how she felt a little worthless for being in that kind of trade. How she wishes the Thorns would’ve gotten more for her and Caitlin. How she was mad at Mark and Gavin Wilkinson and the world. But she also tells them that she now thinks it might be good for her to play with the others in Orlando and how her family is really excited. And how she can’t help but feel excited, too, at the prospect of seeing her parents and sister more. They’ll be able to come to more games now and she’ll be able to have more time with them. She tells them that she can’t wait to talk to Ali and get input about her playing style from her all the time. How she wants Alex’s pregnancy to be over already to be able to train together.

In the end, they both stare at her. Kelley breaks the silence first. “Does Tobin know? What did Lindsey say? I bet they are both so sad.”

“They both don’t know. I haven’t told anyone besides my family. And you guys now. I only talked about this with Cait.” She suddenly feels relieved to be able to talk to someone who isn’t affected by this besides her family. Because honestly, they try but they can’t understand everything like another player would. Someone else who is or has been in her position.

“You didn’t tell them yet? How? Don’t you and Lindsey talk like all the time?” Allie sounds seriously exasperated “I get that you haven’t have the time or need to tell Tobin, but Lindsey? She’s your best friend. Why?”

“She’s been in Hawaii with Russell these past couple of days, I didn’t want to bother her.”

“Okay, backtrack. She’s with Russell again? I thought she broke up with him for good?” Kelley and Allie both look so confused now, it would be funny in every other situation.

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask. Didn’t really want to know. Look guys, can we drop it now? I’m still wrapping my head around all of this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to leave my home in a few weeks. I am constantly worrying how everyone else will feel and I don’t even know yet how I feel!” Emily sighs and shoots them a pleading look. Kelley’s eyes widen and she wraps her arm around Emily’s shoulders “Of course, we’re sorry. I didn’t think of you first but only of my questions. But one last thing? Don’t let your friends, especially Lindsey, find out through twitter or something, okay? Tell them before Wednesday.”

**January 6 th, 2020.**

When the rumors are starting to surface on Monday she’s even more grateful that she’s got a room to herself. She gets tagged in a lot of tweets and on Instagram and even her tag on tumblr is running hot. Lindsey gets tagged a lot as well. And even Tobin sometimes. She doesn’t want to look because she knows it’ll make her sad again but she can’t help it. Emily sees a lot of disbelieve and sadness, some anger directed at the Thorns. And then she sees a drawing of her and Lindsey doing their handshake. Lindsey’s in her white Thorns jersey but she is wearing a purple Orlando Pride jersey. She chokes up, she hadn’t thought about their handshake yet. Hadn’t thought about the possibility of never doing that again. The reality of it hits her all at once and her thoughts spiral out of control. With this being an Olympic year, there will be roster cuts on the national team. Maybe she won’t ever play with Lindsey again. At all. Because let’s face it, Lindsey pretty much has a roster spot locked-in. Emily herself? Not so much. With the first cut-downs later this month, she needs to be on her A-game all the time to prove herself. Prove that she can be a center back or a right back, left back, wherever Vlatko wants and needs her. Anything to sometime be on the same pitch for she same team as Lindsey again. Just once, doing their handshake and all will be well with the world.

There is a timid knock on the door. She doesn’t move, doesn’t want to face anyone just yet. Hopes maybe nobody else has seen the rumors yet. Though, at least Rose must’ve seen them, because she practically lives on social media. Lindsey as well but she tries not to think about that.

“Son, let me in, please” Tobin pleads “I know you’re in there. It’s just me and Chris, can we talk?” Emily reluctantly gets up, opens her door, turns around, and falls face first onto her bed again.

Tobin and Christen sit down on the other bed. “Is it true?” Emily just nods shortly. She turns her head and looks at Tobin sadly. “They said, they’d make it public on Wednesday. I thought I had a day or two to tell you. I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to find out like this.” She gestures vaguely around them.

“Don’t apologize, Emily. This is not about how Tobin feels, this is about you. You don’t need to try and make others feel better right now. Think about yourself first for once.” Christen smiles at her warmly and her words actually make Emily feel better for a second.

“I’ve actually known for a week now. At first I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone other than Caitlin, I guess. Cause she’s in it too, you know? But Kelley and Allie found out yesterday. Or I guess, they pressed it out of me? I don’t know.” She sits up and fully looks at them. Feeling like she can face them and her feelings now. “I thought, if I started to tell people, it would be more real and I didn’t want that. I also didn’t want to think about it anymore. That didn’t work though, it’s all I’ve thought about for a week. I haven’t even told Lindsey yet and now she’ll probably find out on twitter as well. I’m the worst friend, do you think she already knows?” Tobin looks at her with a blank impression and then cracks a smile.

“Son, don’t worry about it. Seriously, you’ll hurt yourself by thinking too much!” She gets interrupted by another knock on the door. Emily panics and shoots Tobin a pleading look to shut her up. Christen gets up to open the door but Emily shakes her head “no”.

From outside the door they hear Becky shout “Come on, Son, don’t be late for dinner.”

Right, she had totally forgotten about their life and what they were doing here. “Got to face the music at some point, right?” she tries to lighten the mood and lift her own spirits.

Tobin gets up and gives her a weird side- hug when she stands up from her bed as well. Christen waits at the door for them with Becky as Tobin whispers in her ear “For what it’s worth, you’ll do great. I’m proud of you, you know?”

When they get downstairs, they run into Rose, Sam, and of course Lindsey in the Lobby. Emily sees Lindsey in her UVA sweatshirt and freezes up for a second. Tobin walks right into her. She’s about to complain about Emily’s lack of caution for others but Christen just slaps her arm and nods to Lindsey who’s standing only a few feet away and is looking at Emily.

Lindsey opens her arms and lets Emily walk straight into them. She embraces her best friend in a warm and long hug that they both desperately needed. “Can we talk after dinner?” she whispers, “Maybe we can take a walk, just the two of us?” she lets her arms fall off of Emily’s back and grabs her hand.

At dinner Emily is awfully quiet. She wonders how her talk with Lindsey will go. She decides to take the hug as a good sign and tries not to worry too much. She doesn’t want to talk to the others about the rumors and her trade and everything surrounding it though. She just wants a quiet dinner and some normality. She tries to crack a few jokes and grasps any straws for a conversation about anything else just so they don’t talk about the Thorns or Orlando.

When Rose tries to ask her about the trade she gets shut down by both Kelley and Tobin immediately. They had pulled her to sit with them as soon as she entered the room. Now she sits in-between Kelley and Lindsey. Lindsey who squeezes her thigh when Rose tries to ask her about Orlando and leaves her hand right there. Emily lifts her eyes off her plate to steal a quick glance at Lindsey and is met with a soft smile by her friend.

She suddenly feels a pat on her back and turns around only to see Ash sending her a smile and a quick wink. Ali next to her mouths “Welcome”. She can’t help but send them a wide grin. Possibly her first real grin in over a week.

They walk in silence for a while until they get to the beach. They sit down next to each other and Lindsey grabs her hand. She plays with her fingers while gathering her thoughts.

“Since when have you known?” she quietly asks, as if she is afraid of the answer.

“Last Monday.” Emily whispers. She doesn’t dare to look at Lindsey right now. She can’t. She’s afraid of what she’ll see. Disappointment mostly, she guesses. So she looks at the ocean. It’s somewhat calming she decides.

“Why?” she’s still not looking at Lindsey. “Because they need to change the roster because they weren’t happy with the outcome of the last season. Need to really shake it up apparently.”

“No, Son. Why didn’t you tell me?”

There is the question she was afraid of the most. She finally tears her gaze away from the ocean and looks at her friend. Her Lindsey. Lindsey who is already looking at her with tears in her eyes. She can’t stand the thought of Lindsey crying because of her. Emily reaches out to wipe the tears away like she always does. She stops herself in the last second. Her hand hovers in the air between them. She doesn’t know if she’s allowed to touch Lindsey right now. Instead, she runs her fingers through her hair.

“Linds, I… I didn’t know how.” She looks at the ocean again. Finds it easier to not look at Lindsey right now. “I wasn’t sure how you’d react. You were also in Hawaii with Russell at that time and I didn’t want to interrupt your time together.” Emily looks at Lindsey now. She looks like she wants to say something. “No. Let me finish please? I need to get all of my thoughts out to make you understand. First, I couldn’t talk about it. Caitlin and Emma kind of made me talk but I didn’t want to. Then I just shut all of it down for a couple of days. I told my parents but just thought it through with myself mostly?”

She tries to work up the courage to tell Lindsey everything. She doesn’t really have to lose anything anymore, right? She already got traded, can’t take anything else from her. If she makes it weird now, it doesn’t matter. They are not rooming together this camp and they might not see each other until the season starts anyway.

“And when I thought of telling you, I thought about how you’d react. What if you’d just be happy for me?” She looks at Lindsey fully now and doesn’t hold her tears back for the first time since the day Mark had called her. “What if you weren’t sad that I was leaving and weren’t going to miss me? I couldn’t have taken that” she whispers. “I couldn’t stand the idea of you telling me how good of a chance this was or how you think it’ll be good for my development as a player. Because I know it is. I know this trade is good for my job. I _know_ it is and everybody said that. But I couldn’t have you say that as well and move forward with your life.” Emily takes a shaky breath, she suddenly feels very small.

“I didn’t tell you so I wouldn’t know how you feel about it. I had to protect myself somehow.”

“You’re an idiot.” Lindsey somehow sounds affectionate. “I wasn’t in Hawaii _with_ Russell. I mean he was there but we were there for our club. He played it up on Insta to get more people invested I guess? Or because he was still hoping. I don’t know, but I wasn’t there with him. Not with how much time we’ve spent together and how I feel about you. Emily, I don’t want to be with him.”

Emily still looks somewhat uncertain. “You don’t?”

“No, dummy. We will make the distance work, right? Promise to facetime every day?” Lindsey looks hopeful.

“I promise.” With that Lindsey captures Emily’s lips in a kiss. Her hands find Emily’s face, while Emily tangles hers in Lindsey’s hair.

“We’ll make the distance work.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all know what picture I was talking about. Credits and shoutout to @soccerjunkyyyfc on twitter!


End file.
